Well, I was the closest I’ve ever been to actually going online and looking at other possible jobs. I can’t believe how I can have a job I love so much and begin to feel so comfortable in, with so much purpose and fulfillment one minute, to wanting to just pack up and leave the next! I guess this is life (surprise, surprise) but somehow I expected it to be so different.
Here I am, my life actually begun, in my 20’s. Theses are the years that are supposed to be fun, carefree, exciting, adventurous. Like, for instance, my high school friend (well, acquaintance) posted on her blog, the “Top 10 reasons being 25 is the best” (or something like that….wow I use parenthesis a lot, and the word “well”…). Let me just say…none of those could really relate to my life. I really tried to see myself in her oh -so-trendy/cute comments on life in the cool lane, but…it was really a stretch. I guess I’m lame, and maybe that’s ok. Maybe that’s part of the self-actualization process. Oh wait, I decided a while ago that I wouldn’t try to be self actualized. Or is that actually self actualization to decide not to be self actualized?? Regardless, I think I’ve come full circle to the truth that I’ve known but have been rejecting, and that is this: I am not meant to follow the world. Never. Ever. Not when I was in college, not now in my 20’s, not in the future. That means in everything, though I seem to justify so many thoughts/pursuits/loves, etc that keep me much more in the likeness of the world than of Christ. Things that seem harmless, but have pushed me away from who I am meant to be (Darn you pinterest…).
Anyway, all of these digressions and ramblings remind me that the truth of God is in conflict with the world. I must choose who I will serve, and maybe in that choosing my life will look less like the cool, trendy people I so earnestly want to emulate, and more different, weird, quirky, and yes, lame (ugh) than I would like myself to be. But it’s worth it, and so I must not look at the seen, but the unseen, knowing that in this pursuit, I will find my true self, and the most fulfilling life I could have possibly wished for.